Monday, July 10, 2017

Stuck In Mommy Limbo

Edit: Okay, time to be honest. So I did go back and edit some of this post:) But... the 95% of this was just a free write.


We are going to try something a little different here. Today I am going to just write and publish. I will not edit and re-read so apologies in advance for spelling and grammar errors. here we go...

Lately I've been in a funk. My anxiety has run high and my excitement for things has run low. I left my job to be a stay at home mom... something I thought was the solution to my problems but the funk has not gone away and I'm still stacked with an endless to do list that has left me unmotivated for the things I enjoy.

Unmotivated and uninspired.

Maybe I have piled on too much.

Maybe I do place impossible expectations on myself.

No more than a year age, we had a rough situation with one of the parents in our Girl Scout troop. We could say this was the tip of the iceberg or the catalyst for my mood. I did what I thought was in the best interest and safety of all the girls in the troop and this person retaliated with legal action. The passion and energy I had poured into this program, as a volunteer and to be left treated in this manner, really broke my spirit. The legal expenses and the humiliation of having a sheriff serve me an order at 11:45 PM was enough to make me reassess things in my life.

I had enough. I'm not a punching bag and I refuse to be bullied.

I'm trying to get back to what I love, blogging. I've recently split my blog in two because I feel the different viewpoints are clashing. So we are continuing 3 Wittle Birds here and keeping Mighty Girls Rock over Don't get me wrong, I love being a troop leader and sharing all of those ideas but it's really a niche area that doesn't allow me to express other sides of my life.  I have gotten away from the reasons why I loved blogging so much. I miss 3 Wittle Birds.

Maybe motherhood has left me feeling lost.

I'm trying to get back my joy for things.

I'm feeling like I'm in Mommy Limbo. Like when you quit your full time job to stay home while the kids are young but have ambitions in life that you can't momentarily work on but you still have that itch. I have ideas and ambitions. I love the idea of being an entrepreneur but taking care of the home and kids doesn't leave much time to work on myself, let alone a business.

This time in my life is like a waiting game. A waiting game that you don't want to rush through because that means your kids are getting older and you are missing those special early years. Yet, you're still anxious to get on with what it is I'm meant to do. What am I meant to do?

I've spent a lot of time this year in the garden. I find peace in tending to the flowers and vegetables. There is a bit of anxiety release each time I pull another weed out making the raised beds look decluttered and tidy.

A tidy home is what makes me happy. It seems impossible with three young children. With a little declutter I've already seen progress and it gives me hope. My goal this year is to find beauty in the little things and transition from a maximalist mentality to a minimalist lifestyle.

Okay, that's all I can get out of my brain for one evening. I know this was a rambling post and if you have made it this far, thanks for listening.

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